i am,

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.| Vicky |.
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Thursday, October 13, 2005
9:45 PM
what the **

Dear blog,
I noe i've stopped updating again. If there's a blog genie I'll probably be one of the 1st to be turned into a frog. Nothing interesting happened. School's over for sec4s now. Yesterday, today and 2molo ll be marking days. So i say i'm off now, even though its oni official on monday. Blahz....
I've no mood to tok abt other tihngs other than "All the people over the age of 20 is talking me OUT of going into design in poly '(or if i'm lucky in U)". what the ****. I mean I just keep being told the same thing "i wunt excel in tt field", "I'm nt exactly a child prodigy" , "If ever i lost in terest in design i'll regret coz theres no other occupation for ppl with design certs". bla bla bla.. I'm not being disrespectful. I DO value all comments given. I mean all my friends say i shoudl go into it coz, I am actually better in tt than at least SOME people. *note* I'm never better than ANYBODy in ANYthing. Its relaly very... disappointing that all the adults i noe, HACK even my 17 yr old younger-than-me-by-1-week cousin says i SHOULD not go into it. they ALL say i shoudl keep it as a hobby. And when i say even if i dont study design in for my 1st cert, I'm gonna study part time after i start working to FINALLY study design. BUT, by saying that, i'm actually being self-delusional. COZ, i noe i'll be to lazy and too preoccupied to study part time when i'm finally adult with my OWN money in my pockets.
But then, someting my mom say, made something inside me click. I never go out of my way to learn more about fashion. I never find out abt fashion shows, hair shows watever, just coz no one i ever mix with is interested in those. I mean, no oen i ever noe, will give up shopping-cum-movie to watch a "dumb" fashion show. ANYWAY, those are rare in singapore?. watever. SO , my mom was sayign tt. and its true. My dad's elder brother got a talent for drawing. He never learnt but he can just draw superb-ly. I've never seen his drawings b4 or anything. But everyone in the family is sayign its all my grandad's fault for sending him into the military instead of arts school. I noe that i dont realli haf a creative mind. My sketches were alwasy the same and i almost never come up with new ideas. But thats not the point. I might have, inherited some of my uncle's talents!. ok tt sounds too over. Anyway, my mom always says tt i might seem better than a lot of ppl in my sch in this area, but tts just coz my sch haf less of those people who are good in it. Tts quite true, bp has too many nerds. Not sayng nerds are not creative or anything, but other neighbourhood schools really seem to have people who are more talented.
Then, mayb i'm just keen on going after things that, er.. i'm not supposed to go after. Coz drawing and arts is just smthing my parents, or rather, my mom is always so against. I remember when i was in sec 2, we had to do 3 drawings for end-of-yr things. I drew two of the paintings in the toilet of my room. Coz when my mom comes in i had to pretend i was studying at the table. tts pathetic.MY parents sent me for drawing lessons b4. the teacher ll draw a teddy bear, for example. and ask us to copy and color and add-on things ourselves. I was never creative. I always lost to this other girl who always had the best add-ons to her pics among the class. but Watever. I was never interested in clowns, bears,stuffed animals..coz i never do well in tt drawing class, my parents never sent me for any more drawing lessons. i dono, maybs its not interest, i dont haf enough talent to work on. Its just coz art is something i was never able to work on. Tt seems to be why i'm so bloody insistent on going to poly's fashion design course. again. WATEVER. Os are not even over yet. I am such a dreamer.
U noe, i have to confess i even liked guys who liked other girls or were sort of taken. *shit* mayb i shouldn haf said tt, coz ppl are gonna say i'm a bitch and all that. But i mean, if some girl like guy A, den guy A must haf potentially more good points than guy B whom, semmingly no girl likes. Rite?... rite.... i was really close with wc ast time. although i didn noe he has a girlfriend at 1st..I didnt exactly steer clear from him when i knew it. Mayb coz i wasnt goin after him in anyway... i dont noe wad i'm saying actually, coz if i didn noe about the gf it has got nothing to do with my above point .. -_-""" I think its just a fantasy, which girl dont want,if possible, to be worshipped by every walking male in the world..ok Tts TOO extreme. I wunt want psyco stalkers/killers or watever to be goin after me.':D But U GOT to agree that the unreachable is often more attractive. *Like the lace up boots on ebay!* lolz. I've never actually acted on that fantasy, coz technicall, I've never went after guy whó's taken or whom i noe a girl is goin after. hmm.. be assured my girlfriends, I'm not interested in ur boyfriends. Any girl noes tts wrong. Anyway, a friend's bf is always so... unappealing... Not saying my friends haf bad taste. But even with yang, I've never think her potential dates are bf material for me coz i can never imagien myself kissing any of them.*eee*...:S hey, I'm known for being a righteous friend ok!. mayb i shouldn use that word. watever.. I've said "watever" quite a few timrs in this entry already rite. mayb i should rename it "watever".. haha.. ok not funny.

so, thats actually all i wanna say. I oni planned to write a short entry to complain abt being denied my *possible* talent and future in design, but it turned out to be quite a long entry. haha.. I always end my entries quite abruptly. Coz i just type what comes into my mind. Its sort of freaky, like talkign to urself in ur mind :S. Even my thoughts are exhausted, i stop. TT should be why my entries are a little confusing when u read them. But, tts how random thoughts should be rite.~ but its good, shows i can carry on a mindless conversation even when someone i'm with is a mute or is uninterested * like how lord sesshoumaru always is!, He is So charming, so manly, So powerful, Soo cool, SuCh poise and he looks good enough to eat!* "ok tts ENOUGH vicole!", my other more rational half reprimanded. ... watEVER! :D


p.s. I've wasted today and yesterday. but watever *again*. I'm goin out on sat with vicky and charmaine. Ok, mayb going to jc open house is nt exactly "going out".:s

p.p.s Nex entry coems with a new layout :D. I have 9 new layouts to choose from. None, when i look through now seem to appeal to me much. Hai, i'm gonna haf a diffcult time deciding. :S


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